The Quiet Ache of Loneliness
Loneliness. It’s not just about being alone—it’s the ache of feeling unseen, unheard, or disconnected. You may be juggling career, family, relationships, and responsibilities, yet somehow, amidst the busyness, a quiet loneliness can settle in.
The Difference Between Being Alone and Loneliness
Being alone is a physical state—you are by yourself. Some people thrive in solitude, using it as a time for self-reflection, creativity, and personal growth. Loneliness, on the other hand, is an emotional experience. It’s the feeling of being disconnected, even in a crowd or within relationships that may no longer feel fulfilling.
This distinction is important because solitude can be a source of strength and self-discovery, while loneliness is a signal that your need for connection is unmet. Understanding this difference allows you to embrace healthy alone time while also recognising when deeper, more meaningful connections are needed.
Why Loneliness Happens
Life is full of transitions, and some of them can leave us feeling isolated. Children grow up and need us less, careers shift, friendships change, and relationships evolve. On top of that, we often find ourselves in caregiving roles—whether for ageing parents, partners, or teenagers—and somewhere along the way, our own social needs take a back seat.
From a biological perspective, loneliness isn’t just a passing feeling—it actually impacts the body. Studies show that chronic loneliness activates the same stress pathways as physical pain, increasing cortisol levels and contributing to anxiety, depression, and even heart health issues. Women, in particular, are wired for connection due to oxytocin—the bonding hormone—but when deep, nourishing relationships are missing, it can leave us feeling emotionally drained.
The Myths That Keep Women Stuck in Loneliness
Many of us hesitate to admit we’re lonely because there’s this idea that by now, we should have everything figured out—a thriving social life, a fulfilling career, a balanced home life. But the truth is, plenty of women feel the same way.
Another common misconception is that being busy means you’re socially connected. But a packed schedule—work meetings, school runs, endless to-do lists—doesn’t necessarily fill the need for meaningful connection. If those interactions aren’t truly fulfilling, loneliness can creep in, even in the busiest of lives.
How to Reconnect and Thrive
The good news? Loneliness isn’t a permanent state. Small, intentional steps can help shift things. Here are a few ideas:
1. Recognise and Acknowledge It
It can be hard to admit we’re feeling lonely, but pushing those feelings down won’t make them go away. Acknowledging loneliness without guilt or self-judgement is the first step. Research shows that trying to suppress emotions only makes them stronger by activating the brain’s stress centre. On the other hand, recognising and naming what we’re feeling engages the brain’s logic centre, helping us feel more in control and able to take action.
2. Nurture Existing Connections
If you’re feeling disconnected, you don’t have to wait for someone else to reach out first. A simple message, a coffee date, or a deeper conversation beyond the usual “How are you?” can make a big difference. Research in social neuroscience suggests that meaningful social interactions increase oxytocin and serotonin—both of which boost mood and strengthen our sense of connection. The key is quality over quantity. Even a few fulfilling relationships can significantly ease loneliness.
3. Build New Relationships
Making new friends as an adult isn’t always easy, but it’s definitely possible. Finding a group or class that aligns with your interests—whether it’s a book club, yoga class, or a community gathering—can help. Studies on social engagement show that shared experiences help form stronger connections by activating the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine and reinforcing a sense of belonging. Even casual interactions, like chatting with a neighbour or a barista, can positively shift your mood.
4. Embrace Vulnerability
Deep connections don’t happen overnight, and they definitely don’t happen if we’re always trying to seem like we have it all together. Real relationships require authenticity. Being open about our struggles allows others to do the same. Research by Brené Brown and other psychologists has shown that vulnerability fosters trust and empathy—two key ingredients for meaningful relationships. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but letting yourself be seen and heard can lead to deeper, more fulfilling friendships.
5. Engage in Somatic Practices
Since loneliness triggers a stress response in the body, engaging in mind-body practices can help reset the nervous system. Breathwork, gentle movement like yoga or dance, and self-touch techniques (like placing a hand over your heart) activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps us feel safe and grounded. Research on vagal tone suggests that activities that stimulate the vagus nerve—like deep breathing and humming—can lower stress hormones and increase feelings of connection and calm.
6. Redefine What Connection Looks Like
Connection doesn’t have to mean huge social events or having a massive circle of friends. Sometimes, it’s about the small, meaningful moments—a genuine conversation, a kind word, a shared laugh. Positive psychology research highlights that even tiny acts of connection (like smiling at a stranger or making eye contact) increase oxytocin and serotonin, which naturally boost our sense of belonging.
7. Seek Professional or Group Support
If loneliness is feeling overwhelming, talking to someone can help. A coach, therapist, or support group can offer a space where you feel heard and understood. Research shows that sharing experiences with others not only provides emotional relief but also rewires the brain’s social pathways, making it easier to form and maintain connections moving forward.
You Are Not Alone
If you’ve been feeling lonely, know this: you’re not the only one. Plenty of women are quietly longing for deeper, more meaningful connections. Small steps—like reaching out, showing up for yourself, and opening up to others—can start shifting things in the right direction.
Your story matters. Your presence matters. And connection—real, soul-nourishing connection—is possible for you.