Being human can be hard some days: Embracing resilience through self-compassion

This past week, I found myself facing an unexpected health challenge that I thought I had moved past. As the familiar symptoms reemerged, so too did that internal voice—the one that asks, “Why is this happening again?” and “How will I deal with this?” In those moments, I was reminded just how hard it can be to be human some days. Yet, I’ve also learned something powerful through this experience: resilience isn’t about never feeling down or frustrated. It’s about how we treat ourselves in the midst of difficulty.

What I’ve been reminded of is that being hard on myself only amplifies the struggle. Neuroscience supports this as well—when we meet ourselves with self-compassion instead of judgement, we activate the brain’s soothing system, reducing stress and boosting emotional resilience. This isn’t just a feel-good practice; it’s rooted in hard science.

Here’s what I’ve learned about resilience and the proven ways self-compassion can strengthen it, particularly when life throws an unexpected challenge your way:

1. Soothing the Nervous System Through Presence

In the moment of stress or pain, our nervous system naturally kicks into high gear—triggering that fight, flight, or freeze response. I found myself caught in this cycle when my health symptoms appeared, feeling overwhelmed and anxious. Neuroscience tells us that mindfulness and grounding techniques can soothe this response by activating the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms us down.

What helped me this week was simply sitting with my breath, noticing each inhale and exhale. Even when my mind wanted to race ahead with fears of the future, I returned to the present moment. Neuroscientific research shows that mindfulness lowers cortisol levels (our body’s primary stress hormone) and helps restore emotional balance. By staying present, I was able to quiet that internal voice and offer myself some space to breathe.

2. Self-Compassion Changes Brain Chemistry

In the past, my immediate reaction to any health setback was frustration—anger at my body for “failing” me. But this week, I made a conscious effort to approach myself with compassion instead. Neuroscience has shown that when we practise self-compassion, we activate the release of oxytocin, the hormone responsible for feelings of love and connection. Oxytocin not only makes us feel better emotionally, but it also supports physical healing by reducing inflammation and promoting recovery.

Through self-compassion, I reframed the narrative. Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” I asked, “How can I care for myself at this moment?” This small shift in mindset gave me the resilience to face the challenge with more patience and less stress. So I leaned on my family and I made vegetable soup! These simple things were enough at that moment.

3. Small Wins Rewire the Brain for Positivity

One of the things I tell my clients is that resilience is built through small, positive steps—even on our hardest days. I focused on taking my own advice because what I know through my study is that when we achieve even a small step, our brain releases dopamine, the feel-good neurotransmitter. This reinforces a positive feedback loop, making it easier to keep moving forward.

This week, instead of getting caught in the “all-or-nothing” mindset, I focused on celebrating small steps. Whether it was getting out of bed to stretch or making myself a cup of tea, each step felt like a victory. These small acts of self-care created a sense of momentum and reminded me that resilience is a process—it’s the sum of many tiny steps toward healing.

Lessons from the Unexpected

What this week has taught me, both personally and through the lens of neuroscience, is that self-compassion is at the heart of resilience. When we respond to ourselves with kindness in moments of struggle, we can rewire our brains to better handle stress, reduce inflammation, and foster a mindset that helps us heal—emotionally and physically.

Being human is hard some days, and that internal voice will inevitably reappear. But with mindful presence, self-compassion, and the celebration of small steps, we can navigate those tough days with greater resilience. We can learn to meet ourselves exactly where we are and move forward, one compassionate step at a time.

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