The problem with new year resolutions
This time of the year, so many of us have had time with family and friends, doing the things that we love to do. Some of us will have had a chance to dream a little, take a little time for self-care and perhaps tried something new. Holiday season often allows us to choose what we want to do with our days.
Some of us will be excited to go back to work with new ideas about how to tackle existing challenges or innovations we’d love to make to our work, home, relationships or health. It is exciting to imagine ourselves achieving these changes and we have a renewed level of energy and motivation. We set our ‘new year resolutions’ fully believing that we can make it happen.
The problem many of us come up against is that two weeks in, we have a long ‘to do’ list that must be done for other people, our energy levels begin to fall as we get back to a work/school routine and we fall back into old habits. Our much desired dream of greater purpose, joy and peace seems to evaporate and we can return to our comfortable (uncomfortable) daily life.
It is possible to change for the long term - but you need to understand how change works.
Our bodies (and therefore our minds, as it is part of our bodies) like predictability. Many of us have spent years practising how we live our everyday lives. We have gradually tweaked it from our childhoods, taking on the ideas, habits and systems of action, emotion and thought that our families, friends, workplaces and society has shown us to be the right way to live. If we want to change any of these we have to do three things…
Clearly identify WHY this change is important.
Why does this change mean so much to you and how it might change your life? Is it related to your health, your family, or is it making you unhappy? Change is not easy but if you know why you are doing something it will motivate you to act.
For example, many of you are parents. If I needed to get out of bed to attend to a crying child I was motivated to get out of bed straight away because my ‘why’ was so strong. My love for my child overrode any desire I may have had to stay warm and cozy in my bed.
Understand why you have not achieved this change before
Often women mention their desire to make healthy changes to their diet. They understand their why and are motivated to change when they begin. They are strict with themselves and will have some success for a time.
The body is one big memory machine though… it likes what is familiar and comfortable. If you have failed before to make these kinds of changes you will probably do it again - unless you understand what you have been telling yourself about your ability to make this change… and I don’t mean some ‘rah, rah, I can do this!’ chant. I mean what you tell yourself in your head when you have failed in the past - “See. I knew I had no willpower. You’re hopeless. You’ll never lose weight.”
Ask yourself;
What do you say to yourself about this?
Is it true? (Do you really have no willpower? Are you actually hopeless?)
What could you say instead? (I have willpower - I completed my course didn’t I. I have changed other things in my life - of course there is hope).
Make it a small step at a time.
So many women I work with mention their desire to establish a consistent morning routine that allows them some time for self-care. To do that they must get out of bed earlier than they do. There is a low chance that they can make this change if they don’t keep the steps small and plan it out. The mind is more able to calibrate change if it is not so different to what you already do.
For example - I want to wake up at 6 but I currently get out of bed at 7, set the alarm for 6:50am for a couple of weeks. It is a tiny change and very achievable. In addition, you can do it easily and the success you create can be celebrated - ‘I can make change!’ Once you (and your mind) is comfortable with this, move on to 6:40am.
Finally, long term change takes time, consistency and positive emotions. If you can know why you want something, understand the blockages from the past and set small achievable goals you can celebrate, your new year resolutions can become your new life!